Doddie, you are the one who first brought up your work, including the anticipated call from your employer's HR department. I didn't mean to pry into your personal affairs...... I was just trying to better understand your work situation in hopes of maybe offering some helpful advice. Turns out I have many years of state-side outsourcing experience, both as the outsourcee and the outsoucer.

But now you want the discussion closed, which I understand. I shall remain silent henceforth.

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BB
http://barrypatch.net

Barry, last week for me was a complete right off healthwise and i became defensive in ways that i wouldn't normally... i'm still struggling to understand why i said what i did, let alone understand the timing of what i said... for whatever reason you become a target to vent my anger at a time when i didn't know i felt anger... for that i can only apologise and hope we can move on.

To try and attempt to put that into some perspective, my days have moved into nights meaning i rarely see daylight now because my bodyclock is so far out of kilter that i'm rarely awake during daylight hours... during night hours i'm awake and go to bed at 6am... i seem to be unable to rectify this no matter how hard i try.

Add that last week was probably the worst week i've experienced since i had to stop working about 9 weeks ago, the nausea returned along with a new (to me) stomach issue that was incredibly painful and uncomfortable meaning i couldn't lie or sit in any position for more than 15 minutes, i also developed eyesight and hearing issues (think dark shadows moving in peripheral vision and wierd sounds like flies in the ear).

I lost Friday, i slept all day until 5pm, and had to go back to bed at 6:30pm, woke up at 8pm and the next i knew my wife was telling me to go to bed at 6am on Saturday. (Or was it Thursday i lost? I don't know any more.)

None of that excuses my curt replies to you of course but i hope you can understand that not everything i've typed recently was aimed at you personally.

On the plus side, if there is a plus side, i had a long discussion with my wife last night about all the symptoms i've been experiencing and she was shocked.

I've tried to shield her from all but the major symptoms that i've shared here because i knew she'd be alarmed, but somehow it all came out last night and when i started i couldn't stop.

I'm glad that even though they shocked her she now knows exactly what i'm going through, i should have told her months ago.

I'm trying my best to keep track of everything i'm going through symptom wise but i might need a bigger notepad soon (or more pens), this thread helps but only when i'm capable of actually typing so for the most part much is hand written over pages of scribbled notes in a notepad... when i'm capable of typing the last thing i want to do is keep a journal so i get torn in other other directions... sadly you became a focus for my frustration because there is no end in sight, which i can only apologise for again.

Apology accepted. My only intent all along was to wish you well and to help if and when I could. Fact is, IMHO you are being very strong throughout this hellish ordeal. But I am glad that you told all to your wife, as I imagine she can be a source of strength as you move forward.

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BB
http://barrypatch.net

Thank you for accepting my apology and being so understanding.

So, i got another email from my employers HR department yesterday requesting i dial into a conference call with a line manager today to have the 'welfare chat'...

It was timed for 14:00 today, i woke up at 13:59, jumped out of bed, went to the kitchen to make a coffee, booted my PC (where most of my timeline during this illness is stored), then dialled into the call.

Long story short, most of the conversation that followed was a waste of time and heading in the direction i thought it would.... i.e. The line manager had little too no understanding of the illness other than what he'd recently read in the media <which wasn't a lot afaict>.

He asked if i would mind being referred to the company 'occupational health therapist' so they could assess my illness (my understanding was this was entirely optional), i have nothing to hide so aside from asking who that would be (apparently a third party doctor), i said i have no issues with that and would welcome any input if it means it'll help me return to work.

He went on to say that that call could take 3-4 weeks before it happens.

I wouldn't say that the call left a bad taste in my mouth, but it has certainly left me feeling what the point of it was... likely best i don't say any more.

It does seem rather pointless. I guess, though, if I draw on my experience as a manager, the purpose was to make an attempt to determine if and when you might be back at work. On a positive note, then, it would seem that they would like you to return -- and you also would like to return and no longer be dealing with this illness.

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

My understanding is that this is supposed to be the point of such calls as well but i was never asked once if i wanted to return to work, let alone speculate when that might be.

The former is a given if he knew me (we've never met because my usual site/line manager went off on maternity leave shortly after i had to stop working in August and he's covering for her position remotely), in any case my employment record should speak for itself... on average less than two sick days per year, mostly less than one.

The latter is impossible to know given the nature of this virus, even a small amount of homework by him before the call should've made him aware of that.

Anyway, i'm just glad the call is out the way and i can stop worrying about another call for 3-4 weeks so i can concentrate on what really matters, surviving from whatever this virus throws at me next on a daily basis... along with living in hope the scientific community comes up with treatment for Long Covid.

On my last paragraph above i just want to take a minute out to expand on that....

When i have a really bad day sometimes i feel like i won't wake up the next day because i feel so ill when i go to bed, i'm 57 years old and to feel that way is something i never contemplated before.

I know that some on here are into motorcycles, i rode them for over almost 35 years, sometimes professionally, during that time i had my fair share of crashes, none of which were serious but i did have the odd few where i'd find myself checking out if i could breath and all my limbs still worked... think of waking up the next day after a bad day of Long Covid as the same as checking yourself out after a motorcycle crash.

Waking up in bed and thinking am i still breathing and are my limbs still working, can i get out of bed, how will i feel when i stand up...

Stepping out of bed and realising you still feel terrible but at least you are still alive, this would not be far removed from my everyday life over the last 10 weeks.

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

I feel like that some days though it's probably not actually as bad as it reads, for the most part i wake up and carry on like nothing has changed.

It's the not knowing what the next day holds that hurts.... that's outwith my control and i go from one day to the next... and wonder what's coming next.

I've had so many bad days followed by a good day that when i've looked forward to another good day only to have another bad day... that's soul destroying and what really hurts.

It is what it is and what i'm becoming accustomed to it, that said i wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Sometimes life is awful, especially when those who claim to love don't appear to fully understand... right now i feel trapped in a bubble that makes no sense... i just had a blazing row with my wife trying to explain the last few days of my life... i got the distinct impression her patience was thinning.... right or wrong i don't blame her, my patience would be frayed if i were in her shoes.

I feel so angry and helpless that my life has spiralled so far downward... i can't put into words the emotions, how i'd expect her to understand and put up with what i'm going through is equally beyond me.

https://youtu.be/XpqjEnRU6uM

Life for now is what it is and i need to somehow make allowances for her frustrations.

It's not anyones fault, it's simply what it is, but that doesn't make it easy.

I'm past the stage of crying about this, i just want it to end so i can lead a normal life.

I'm sorry that you (and she) are going through this.

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

I find myself this week on day 5 with no nausea, brain fog or headaches!!

A week ago i'd have been happy if any 1 of those symptoms left me alone for 5 days, that all 3 have left me alone for 5 days i'm clinging onto the hope that i might finally be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and recovering.

While i might be seeing a light i can't help feel there is still a long way to go, mostly because i'm still suffering from severe fatigue and exhaustion and my sleep pattern is still all over the place (my ability to sleep fluctuates between hypersomnia and insomnia, often both in the same day, it's a daily battle i've been fighting every day since April/May... a time well before i had to stop work).

Weird symptoms are still surfacing that don't seem to make any sense... since Monday i've noticed a marked increase in flatulence and i oddly seem to be sneezing a lot (sneezing at least 20-30 times a day, flatlulence i'll skip over the number, suffice to say the two are not a cause and effect event! LOL), my nose is runny and itchy but i don't have any other symptoms of a cold/flu/Covid.

If i wasn't living this i'd swear it can't be real

A week on from my last post in this thread and i'm delighted to say, tentatively, that i appear to be finally recovering.

I still feel that i'm a long way from returning to work but i'm hopeful that a return to work will happen in January, i've had a couple of wobbles in the last week in that nausea and brain fog have occurred but they were very mild compared to anything i've experienced since August.

I'm finally able to carry out day to day tasks around the house, almost at will, i still haven't left the house but that's something i plan to work on soon.

My sleep pattern appears to be returning to normal in that i can go to bed at night and get up in the morning, and i see daylight... such a simple thing to do for most people, but for me since August that has been unheard of.

This simple step has only happened within the last two weeks and has come right out of nowhere, i'm borederline elated.

There is still a way to go becuse i've had so many moments where i've felt my health was improving only to be set back by relapses, this time though, i do feel like i've turned a corner because my symptoms are nowhere near close to anything i've suffered since August.

In the absence of medical help only time will tell if i'm truly turning a corner, but everything physical about me tells me i just might be.

As an aside, my wife checked on the car a few weeks ago and turned it over, she happily reported no vandalism and the car started without issue (might need valeted though because it's filthy! lol)... first on the list of things to do when i leave the house is to take the car for it's MOT... that ran out in October!

Glad to read this. Fingers crossed that you are indeed finally recovering well!

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

So, the 3rd party occupational health therapist called today.

It was far more intrusive than i expected it to be and the outcome was the same, she will report to my employer that i am not fit to return to work and there will be no suitable adjustments to help aid an earlier return to work.

The intrusive nature of the call has left me feeling mentally and physically drained becasue it brought back many memories of dark moments (since August) that i really wish had remained hidden within my psyche.

Overall, i'm happy that the call is out the way so i can be left alone to recover, but i still question the validity.

On other news:

a. I emailed my local garage about getting my car tested yesterday, due to Covid restrictions they can't collect it but have said they will return the car to me and put the keys through my letterbox if it's dropped off to them... my sister has agreed to drive the car to them on Friday.

b. A local Edinburgh City Councillor (Thank you Ricky Henderson!) who i'd emailed a few days ago (but never expected a reply from) got back to me with information about a local charity who are offering support to sufferers of Long Covid...
cf. https://www.thistle.org.uk/support-during-covid-19-outbreak

I've been mulling over the Thistle link for a few days because i don't feel like i should be taking time from a charity when they likely have many more deserving ways to use their resources, but after today's phone call (above) i'm left feeling (right or wrong) that that decision has been taken out of my hands.

I need to sleep on the above.

Best wishes for you as you consider your next steps.

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

Thank you, your consistent support has meant the world to me... i doubt you'll ever know how much it meant, i can't thank you enough.

<Edit> I have no idea how the post below appeared here, it was intended for another thread but when i clicked on 'Submit' the post simply disappeared, i assumed it was lost in the ether so gave up... I logged into the Forum today to read any 'new posts' and here it is!
As if my life wasn't weird enough already, the Forum is now messing with me! <End edit>

To be honest i didn't really understand who Bocelli is, despite seeing the video at the time it was released.

e.g. I had no idea he is blind.

Now that i can look back on those times and see see it with new eyes it somehow seems even more relevant than it ever did in April.

Andrea Bocelli: Amazing Grace – Music For Hope (Live From Duomo di Milano)
https://youtu.be/bpXwOSHTwsY

What a strange world we live in.

I am very interested in your status and continue to hope for a full recovery soon. I am glad that you have been sharing your experience here. It has been very informative and eye opening -- it reminds me never to let up my guard if I want to avoid becoming infected. Stories from news sources are also interesting, but even though we have never met, reading your posts makes it so much more personal. I'm also glad that you also appreciate my support for you and your posts! Please continue to share your experience and also the links you've come across in this journey. I remain hopeful that you can put this all behind you soon!

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

I agree with Stephen, even though I don't post very often here as I'm going through my own troubles at present, I've been following your journey through your difficult times and admire you for the positive attitude you are showing through it all and hope that you will finally come out the other end fully recovered.

Your story is a lesson to all that you shouldn't take this virus lightly, it is dangerous and should be treated accordingly.

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Joan Archer
http://crossstitcher.webs.com

@ Steve & Joan.

Thank you again for your incredibly warm words.

I don't mind admitting that my journey has been very difficult at times, with no shortage of fear and tears at times, one constant has been the ability to share here what i'm going through without being judged.

That alone has helped me in ways i cannot express, i turned to this Forum not so much for help but to be listened too and taken seriously at a time when the medical fraternity had no idea what was going on i needed an outlet to give me hope... i found that here in spades and i will be forever grateful.

I still have a way to go and so does the medical profession, until my health is back to normal AND the medical profession have a treatment for Long Covid i will continue to add to this thread...

A couple of wee updates, i don't know if it was brought on by my employers occupational health call or not but i was wiped out yesterday (the day after the call), the nausea and insomnia returned with a vengence.
Yesterday i felt awful with severe abdominal pain with a constant feeling that i was going to vomit all day, i slept for one hour last night, today i'm drained but i'm trying to push through that so i can keep my sleep pattern restriced to nights... if i can help it i do not want to return to the sleep pattern that was 12 hours out of kilter.

My sister picked up my car today and took it to the garage for its MOT, amazingly it passed!
I was worried that either the discs had rusted so much they'd require replacing, or that one or more calipers had seized, the car hasn't moved for five months.
The garage returned the car to me and put the keys though my letterbox (their covid procedure to reduce customer contact).
I bought the car from that garage and as part of the deal there would be no charge for the certificate (normally circa £50) if no repairs were required so i didn't have to pay them a penny.
Huge kudos to my sister who drove the car to the garage in the snow and then got soaked by rain walking back to pick up her own car! <twisted evil>
Fyi, i did insist she get a taxi but she wouldn't have it!

Maybe just maybe, i am turning a corner... my symptoms are less frequent and the two things i've been fretting about the most for two months are now out the way, my car and my work questioning my abilty to work.

I wasn't going to mention this because i'm not entirely sure it's true, my wife feels it is and for that reason alone i feel it worthy of note.

Apparently i've had taste issues thoughout this, i'm not convinced but when i look at the evidence i struggle to argue.

Take last night, i ordered two Papa John pizza's with two sides.

A medium chicken pizza for me... normally delicious.
A medium beef with mushroom and ham for her, not my first choice but should be enjoyable for me as well.
Sides of pigs in blankets and hot buffalo wings... normally yum!

My chicken pizza was mediocre at best, but not enjoyable at all.
Her pizza was inedible because the mushrooms tasted of perfume and i had to spit them out.
The sausages in the pigs in blankets had no taste of sausage and were also spat out.
The buffalo wings i didn't even try because i got some of the sauce on a finger and tasted it, and was like no, not happening.

My wife maintains that everything was delicious but everything for me tasted disgusting.

This is not the first time this has happened.

Yes, they continue to say that taste and smell are two senses affected massively by COVID in most cases. It sure sounds like you are certainly having issues with that. Fingers crossed that those senses return to normal sooner rather than later, too.

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stephen boots
Microsoft MVP 2004 - 2020
"Life's always an adventure with computers!"

Steve, i feel like this endless cycle of good days and bad days is becoming comical... when i post here i feel like i'm turning a corner, waiting for, but hoping not for the next bad day...

My post on the 4th was a good day, the 5th was a bad day spent on the couch and in bed.

It's got to the point now where i know a bad day is coming but i don't know when.

The good news is bad days are becoming less frequent and don't last as long, the comical part is, i can have days on end with no bad days only for this thing to slap me in the face as if it's saying... "HAHA Gotcha!"

It is what it is and i'm at the point of laughing back at it... "HAHA, not yet!"

It hasn't won, i won't let it!