No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, from Guyana, was the clear winner.

His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Here is his astute answer.

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE, but when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. When the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.

An old man in Dryden calls up his son in Toronto and says, "Listen, your
mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years
of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other...any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of
her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in
Vancouver and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell
they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not
getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home
tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a
paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas
and paying their own airfares."

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Joan Archer
http://crossstitcher.webs.com

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

_________________
Joan Archer
http://crossstitcher.webs.com

Gee... I thought you were going to say he became a newspaper reporter.

_________________
Patty MacDuffie
Computer Haven Administrator

Live Long and Prosper
Mr. Spock

_________________
Joan Archer
http://crossstitcher.webs.com

Thanks for the laugh you guys.

_________________
Terry

It just goes to show you, it's always something. If it's not one thing it's another!
_Rosanne Rosannadanna

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

_________________
Joan Archer
http://crossstitcher.webs.com

_________________
Patty MacDuffie
Computer Haven Administrator

Live Long and Prosper
Mr. Spock

Dad's new Ipad

Watch the following short clip.
The Scene: less then a minute.
A daughter is visiting her father and is helping in the kitchen.
She asks: "Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new I-Pad we gave you for your birthday?"
This clip is spoken in German but its totally understandable in any language.
http://www.snotr.com/video/8965/

At least while I can remember, this is my new favorite song.

http://youtu.be/Xv1tMioGgXI

_________________
Terry

It just goes to show you, it's always something. If it's not one thing it's another!
_Rosanne Rosannadanna

The children were gathered on the front pew one Sunday morning for the
Children's Sermon. The minister asked, "Does anyone know what the resurrection
is?"

One little boy blurted out, "I'm not quite sure but I do know from watching
television, that if you have a resurrection that lasts longer than four hours,
you have to see a doctor."

It took about ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough to continue
with the worship service.

_________________
Terry

It just goes to show you, it's always something. If it's not one thing it's another!
_Rosanne Rosannadanna

_________________
Patty MacDuffie
Computer Haven Administrator

Live Long and Prosper
Mr. Spock

When my son was about four years old we had Easter dinner with friends. After dinner, a ham and potatoes and salads and green bean casserole and - well, you get the picture . . . um, where was I? Oh, yeah. After dinner there was a chorus of, "Oh brother, I'm going to have to diet for a month" and general agreement.

My son piped up with, "When my dad diets he's going to be resurrected."

And he was right. I have dieted and been resurrected several times in the last forty years.

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HP Pavillion, Intel i5 5200U CPU, 2.20 GHz, 8.00 GB Ram, 64-bit OS, x64 based processor